The Anti-Gospel of Jesus Christ

by Miko Bartek

The week before I would be ordained, I experienced a mystical event that would change the course of my life. It began on Saturday evening during the vigil in the chapel. Flickering candle flames illuminated the space and the altar. I was kneeling and praying to God for guidance and inspiration in my work as a Jesuit researcher. In another week I would be ordained. There was so much on my mind.

After chapel and dinner, some of the brothers gathered in the common room. There were twelve of us standing in three rough clusters. Brother James was seated on the sofa behind me flipping through the channels on the television. Father Joe was the oldest and smallest priest in the monastery. “How do you feel?” His kind face was looking at me. “Are you getting nervous or excited?”

“I’m excited. I don’t feel nervous at all. Just anxious for the day to arrive. I am really looking forward to everything.”

Brothers Dan and John stood on either side of me. Dan and I would be ordained together. Father Joe asked them for their reactions too. John was excited for both of us. He had two more years to go.

Sudden laughter. James found some sort of comedy stage act on the tube. I twisted, looking at it over my shoulder, and then back again. Dan was expressing his optimism ahead of our big day. Behind me on the t.v. a comedic hypnotist was explaining his act to an audience.

“Everything we do here tonight is based on consent. Some of you will become hypnotized. Others will not. It doesn’t work on everyone. But whether or not you become hypnotized, you will remain in control of your decision-making. I can’t make you do something that you are not willing to do. That’s not how this works.”

“Are you hearing this?” I motioned with my thumb over my shoulder. “There’s a hypnotist on the television. I have always been interested in hypnosis.” I turned to watch. The others did too.

“Under hypnosis most people tend to be open to suggestion. This is where the comedy comes in. I am going to invite eight of you to the stage to be hypnotized on camera. Then I will suggest things to you. You do not have to follow my suggestions. It is your decision. You are in control. But if you follow my suggestions, this will be fun.”

He had no problem finding volunteers. He turned away at least ten people.

“And so now we will begin. I want you to relax where you are sitting….”

Having never been hypnotized before, I was curious. So when he asked us to fix our eyes on a snow globe in his hand, I concentrated.

Once everyone on stage was in a trance, the fun began. He asked his volunteers to think of their favorite farm animals, and act them out, one at a time. Then he had everyone acting in groups. The audience was in tears they were laughing so hard. We were having a good time too. But I wasn’t interacting with the others in the room anymore. The hypnotist had my complete attention.

I felt a bit different too. My mind was so … focused. I liked it. In some ways, I preferred this kind of head space. Imagine how productive I could be with this level of concentration.

The act was reaching its climax. Just when you thought it was impossible to laugh any harder they topped themselves again. The volunteers were hilarious. Their antics were so unabashedly goofy.

Then the energy died down some. When the performers were seated again and the hypnotist had everyone’s attention, he told us, “Now I am going to bring you back out of your hypnosis. But before I do….”

And he spoke again about how we remain in control of our actions and decisions when we are under hypnosis. I thought again about how much I liked being in this state. I didn’t want to give it up. I didn’t want it to end. I didn’t want to lose this ability to concentrate. And so, rather abruptly I said good night and went back to my room.